Plight of the Big Breasted Woman – A Small Rant

I normally don’t talk about this subject as a main topic. I may touch on it in passing. But, I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t talk about the things that I was affected by; no matter how obnoxious it may seem.  So…moving forward.

I was late to the blooming party. When all my classmates were budding in the 7th and 8th grade; I was the awkward chubby kid who didn’t have any breasts. I even stuffed my bra a few times. I did everything I could to get breasts. Including chanting a mantra I read in a Judy Blume book Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret:

“We must we must we must increase our bust!”

Nothing worked. I felt doomed to never have breasts. Then one day, Sophomore year of high school, I woke up and had breasts. Literally it had happened overnight- or so it felt. I was officially a B cup after parading around in a strong A for so long.

By the end of my Sophomore year I was a strong C. Over the summer that increased to a D. By junior year I was a double D, and then that following summer I got pregnant and was a triple D. And as life would have it, no matter how much my weight fluctuated; my breasts size remained a constant.

Current size? 60 G.

And that’s not even my highest…it’s just what I’m dealing with right now. So how does it affect my fashion choices?

Pretty bras in my size must be special ordered and cost as much as my rent.

And that’s only a slight exaggeration. I give up on trying to get any colors outside of white, black and nude colors. Occasionally there will be a leopard print available. If I do find something cute in my cup size, it’s usually a miss in my around size.

Manufacturers don’t believe you care about lift after a certain size.

I’m trying to tell ya’ll, finding a push up bra in my size is impossible. If you’ve had any luck let me know. Just because I have large breasts doesn’t mean they defy gravity. My breasts could use a lil lift depending on what I’m wearing. They are in a constant state of downward facing dog. Yea that’s right-my breasts do yoga. I wish there was a company who would catch up to that fact and help a saggy sista out!

If it’s not high neck I look scandalous.

I hate this… I truly do. I love clothes and getting dressed and looking nice. However, a simple scoop neck or tank top that looks absolutely normal on a woman with average size breasts has the complete opposite effect on me.

The amount of people who think I’m advertising or trying to be sexy is astronomical. My mother (whom I love dearly) clutches her pearls just about anytime I’m wearing something that is not boat neck or jewel neck-lined!  I would love to wear a tank top without the lascivious glares of lesser men and the disapproving glares of other women.

My shoulders and back hurt.

Having an autoimmune disease that predisposes me to inflammation is already an unpleasant factor in my life. Adding neck, back and shoulder pain simply because my breasts are large? Well that just seems like a downright cruel joke. Except I’m not laughing.

I know complaining isn’t really gonna fix a thing. I’m hoping that after some significant weight-loss my breast will begin to come down. I’d do anything to see even a double D at this point in my life.

Here’s to wishful thinking!

So what are some of your breast gripes? Share!