New Year Same Me

Every new year all across the globe; people are gearing up to shed their bad habits, toxic relationships, and whatever else they feel is holding them back from being the amazing human being they desire to be. You see it all over social media up and down your timeline; heck you might even be that person! And if you are, that’s cool, no judgment here.

But let me tell ya’ll, it’s a New Year and I am the same me.

Key Largo Dress from the Wendy S. Collection

Now, I don’t say this to be obnoxious or to indicate that I have no desire for personal growth because that couldn’t be further from the truth. There was a time that I used to subscribe to the idea that a new year somehow provided me a nice clean slate to start fresh and anew. I would set some lofty goals and undoubtedly fail sometime before the year was out and then tell myself it was ok I could just try again the next year.

But reality sunk in; my next day isn’t even guaranteed let alone my next year. Trying to set these big goals at the beginning of the new year was pointless when I could just start setting my goals day by day and smashing them that way.

My desire for personal growth is a daily thing; an ongoing and continuous act that requires effort every moment of the day. I’m a person who has been a failure more times than I can count in my lifetime. That often led me to this space of feeling like I could never be better than who I was in that moment. And then life would move on and in time I’d look up and realize I was miles away from that person who felt like a failure in that one moment.

One day at a time is the mantra that is notoriously known to be associated with AA & NA programs; but it’s also a mantra that is encouraged in the mental health community. Dealing with depression and anxiety has taught me that I can’t go bigger than a day at a time anyway or else I’ll trigger myself right into an episode.

Every day I open my eyes I count that as a blessing even on my lowest days. So I try and show my gratitude by working on myself daily regardless of how high or low I feel. I welcome another year every year because I’m grateful for life. But I’m past the point of thinking I’m a new person because it’s a new year.

If there’s toxic behaviors, habits or relationships in my life; I’m not waiting  until the New Year to rid myself of those things. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have goals going into the new year; but my desire for change is not contingent upon a new year rolling in.

So like I said, I’m not knocking anyone for how they roll…but as for how I feel?

New Year same me….