On this blog I have recorded hundreds of thoughts about every topic you can think of. That’s why when my son was diagnosed with ADHD & Tourette’s Syndrome I couldn’t think of a better place to share my thoughts.
If you’d like to catch up on those articles you can click here, here and here.
If you want to know how we’re doing, keep reading.
I Still Feel Like I Don’t Have the Tools
Sounds absurd right? Especially since we’ve been dealing with this for a few years now. However, as my son grows, his symptoms have changed and in some ways gotten worse. And we still have to account for all the typical behavioral challenges that just come with being a kid.
When I look at my son I am overwhelmed by how much admiration I have for the kid! Despite being atypical or neurodivergent; he manages to just blow me away with how he excels regardless.
Even though I know my kid is brilliant, I can’t help but feel like I haven’t mastered how to help him with things like organization and social cues. Those are big components of both his disorders that could use some fine tuning, but as a mom I feel like I’m not equipped!
I do the research, I discuss it with my husband, then I try to implement them; but things don’t always go as planned. When it doesn’t, I know I’m internalizing, and it makes me feel like I’m falling short event though I know that’s not the case.
People Still Stare
I remember when my son first started ticking, and it took some adjusting to get used to the random sounds and movements he would make. Knowing that it took us awhile to get used to it and we STILL have to adjust when a new tic comes; I can understand how it must be strange to people not in our family.
It just burns my butt that after the first initial glance, they continue to stare. Like, COME ON! I know it’s weird but is there nothing that clicks in your brain that makes you think: “I probably shouldn’t be staring.”
This has made my anxiety rise when we’re in public places like the movies (which he loves by the way) and puts me on the offensive because I’m prepared to go into mama bear mode.
His Disorganization Drives Me Nuts
If you’re a mama with a child who is messy; than you already know how this can frazzle your last nerve! I have tried everything to help him stay organized, but unless I or his father stand over him and micro manage (which sometimes we do); the mess can get out of pocket!
I don’t have the energy that I used to since I’m dealing with exhausting illnesses. I used to be able to flit around the house cleaning everything with a source of energy that was arguably close to an illegal upper.
Not anymore though.
I just assumed that as he got older he would get the hang of it. As of right now, that has not been the case. I hate feeling like a helicopter mom when it comes to chores and keeping his bedroom clean and book bag organized. Unfortunately for now, that’s what it’s gonna have to be.
The Upside of Things
While I find myself frustrated, emotional, scared and a bunch of other things at any given moment; the reality is I love who my son is as he is.
I don’t want to change him.
I think what makes this kid unique and brilliant are the very things that we are trying to learn how to deal with.
He is teaching me things about myself as I am learning the very complex layers of who he is. If you ever want to learn resiliency, watch a child with special needs navigate in this world.
My son is this bright kid who can recite random facts on the whim, he’s uber creative with an imagination to boot and is an AVID reader. Seriously, this kid reads so much he’s going to turn into a book! How amazing is it that I get to watch him thrive academically when according to most school systems the odds are stacked against him. Thank God he’s in a great school designed for his needs!
Parenting is hard. I’m sure if you’re a parent that absolutely goes without saying. I used to feel guilty for my weak moments of not meeting some made up expectation. Not anymore though.
I’m allowed to be frustrated and even vent those frustrations and so are YOU. But once I’ve vented, I’m going to continue to do the best that I can to nurture and nourish this boy into the amazing adult I know he’s bound to be. Don’t give up mamas (and dads)! We’ve got this!
Until Next Time,
After raising two special needs daughters, now raising a grandson (intelligent but behaviorally out of control), I understand the journey well. Every day-week-month or so there is a new challenge. The Lord reminds me frequently to look at what they’ve learned–I need to hear that often especially with my three year old grandson! Admittedly, he frustrates me daily. My oldest daughter who has autistic traits has never been organized and required constant supervision with nearly everything: chores, grooming, homework, etc. You could never tell her to go clean her room–all she heard was go in your room. Then she would stand there looking blank. She would need step by step instructions, one step at a time. We would empty her book bag every night and reorganize it. She would still lose things–like homework, pencils and pens, hats, gloves, glasses, money, etc. I was so glad when she started attending an alternative school that catered to her needs. She did so much better and felt more comfortable with herself because most of the students had similar needs. If only life was like that!
It is like you are literally describing my son. We literally have to supervise room cleaning and chores if it’s going to be done properly. I love his new school but I also understand the real world will not be so kind and that’s what worries me.